Internalizing Abrasive Behaviors: Where does your Abrasive Bully Reside?

Do you work with someone who is abrasive or demonstrates bullying behaviors such as yelling, humiliating, sabotaging, judging, and all around making your life miserable? If so, then you are at risk for learning and adopting those same behaviors and using them on yourself and others. In other words you can develop a habit of carrying that bully around with you INSIDE YOU, in your HEAD. 

Being exposed to bullying behavior is so powerful that I, a seasoned professional have to be continuously aware of the spread of abrasive thinking and behaviors. If, as a trained coach committed to dealing with abrasive people and helping them improve their lives, I have trouble, then it makes perfect sense that most people exposed to abrasive behaviors trained would have to be aware of the risks of exposure. 

Internalized Abrasive and Bullying Behaviors 

How do you know you have a Bullying Residing Inside You?

Look for

  • Self-Judgment
  • Self-Criticism
  • Extreme elf-Doubt
  • Defensiveness
  • Stone-walling
  • Focusing on what’s always wrong instead of what might be okay or right
  • Self-sabotaging thinking

If you used to be strong, confident, powerful, and self-assured and now, because you’ve been exposed to abrasive and bullying behaviors you’ve lost your direction and confidence, then for sure you have internalized a bully. 

Examples of Abrasive and Bullying Messages you might send to yourself:

  1. Your thoughts are judging your behaviors ‘Why didn’t I say …?’ ‘I’m so stupid. I should have…’
  2. You expect perfection and any mistake is an opportunity to condemn
  3. You wake in the night worrying about your own performance and your repetitive message is ‘I can’t, I’m not good enough…’
  4. You convince yourself that you cannot stand up to abrasive/bullying behaviors so you give up and become more and more resentful, quiet and defeated. 

The risk of internalizing bullying type behavior is so great that it’s a 100% GOOD REASON to avoid those abrasive people. If you cannot avoid them, then develop some coping skills and a plan of action to take back your life. 

Some helpful books:

William Ury’s The Power of a Positive No & Getting to Yes for negotiation tips 

Tom Gottman’s 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work for help on identifying those judgment, defensive, criticism and stone-walling behaviors 

Richard David Carson Taming Your Gremlin for more on Self-Sabotaging thinking 

Available here. 

Helpful Tele-seminar

Confidence Connections is hosting another tele-seminar on this topic at the end of September. Contact us for notification of class registration.